At First I Felt, and then I Knew
by The infamous hogwarts jaguar00
Summary: Extracts from Bella and Rod's life together. Full description inside...


**Description: Bellatrix and Rodolphus through the years, if they had loved and Bella is nice in this!**

**Disclaimer: Why we do these I'll never know,but I do not own, JK refuses to sell Harry Potter world to me!**

**And I'd like to dedicate this to 'The Strange Lestrange' because she liked my other Bella/Rod oneshot (I'll Never Forget, not that I'm advertising) and is translating it to Chinese!**

**Anyway, on with story!...**

* * *

><p>"I do." Rodolphus said, gazing at me, his eyes full of love.<p>

I looked back him, my heart melting at him. It felt right being here, accepting him.

"I do." I said. He smiled and squeezed my hand, swooping down to kiss me.

He never noticed the tear that fell. I felt all my love rush into him and I knew we would be together, until death do we part.

* * *

><p>"Rod." I said quietly. He growled into my neck, I didn't want this. I was scared. "Please."<p>

He pulled away and looked at me longingly. We were alone, in a small cottage near the sea for our honeymoon.

"I'm sorry. Got carried away." He muttered, stepping away from me, but I grabbed his hand.

"No!" I yelped, he turned back to look at me, confused. "Do-don't leave." I whispered, his confused stare turned into a stare of love and he cupped my face in his hands.

"Never Bella." He said softly, kissing me.

"Rod, please." I said again and he pulled back blushing.

"Sorry." We stood for a moment before he looked at me. "Why?"

"I'm scared." I whispered, feeling foolish.

"Oh Bella, I love you. I do. I really, really do, and I want this and you know, you know all you have to stay is stop and I will. I would never, ever hurt you darling, I'd die for you." I stared at him, shocked.

He had never told me he loved me, and I never knew he cared so much. I felt him move away from me, and I guessed I had been in a trance longer than I had thought.

"Rod." Before he could say anything I kissed him, fiercely. He moved us towards the bed and I felt my fears vanish. I knew he wouldn't hurt me.

* * *

><p>Positive. I stared at the wall blankly, shocked. We had been married for 7 months and I was pregnant already.<p>

"Bella, love, what's wrong? Please, come out. Talk to me baby." Baby. I chocked and I heard him swear and muttered a spell. The door flew from its hinges and he was beside me, holding my crumpled form to his chest, stroking my hair and I wept into him. I felt so scared, so worried.

"Shh Bella shh, it's ok, you're ok, I'm ok, shhh." I just cried harder.

"I love you Rod." I said.

"I know, I love you too Bella."

"No." I said, pulling back from him and moving my hands to his. "I really really love you. My heart breaks when I'm not with you, my eyes go misty when I see you with other woman Rod. I need you, I love you." I said and he looked shocked and I moved his hands to my stomach. "We, need you."

He gasped and pulled away from my hold and ran his hands over my stomach, I saw the tears form.

"Oh Bella! You're not.."

I nodded and he pulled me up and spun me around laughing. I felt my worries leaving me as he laughed at our news. I knew life was working out.

* * *

><p>"Bella?"<p>

"What!" I snapped. I was not in the mood to hear him grieving.

"Are you ok?"

"Do I look bloody ok Rod!" I shrieked, throwing a vase at him. Our baby had died, unborn.

I had been stunned, but now all I could feel was rage and I had locked myself in the study, but he was here now.

"I'm sorry, I just want to-"

"Want to what! Help? Well go on, because you're doing great!"

"Bella-"

"No Rod! No! She's gone! My darling girl gone! Gone forever." I said, suddenly breaking down, sobbing over a 4 month old child, shocked I was so sad. I never even knew, but in my heart, she was a little girl. Beautiful, with my unruly hair and Rod's beautiful eyes.

I fell to the floor and Rod's arms were wrapped around me holding me close. He didn't say anything, but there was nothing to say.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I wa-"

He cut me off, and pressed a kiss to my lips, unlike any other. Pulling away, I smiled sadly.

"I love you Rod."

"I know, I love you."

I felt safe now and I knew that we would get through this.

* * *

><p>"Oh God Bella! I will never forgive myself, never! I can't believe what I have done to you!" Rod exclaimed, he was in tears, pacing to try and calm down.<p>

I was on the floor, not crying, fighting not to.

"Rod, please, it's not your fault I was caught. You shouldn't have backed me up, said you were there. I would go to Azkaban alone and you could get by, without me."

"No Bella! Do-do not say such a thing. I couldn't live without you." He sobbed, sitting beside me.

We were alone. In a small dark room waiting for the dementors. We had been sentenced to Azkaban for life and I would be apart from my Rod forever. We had 5 minutes alone.

"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid." He was muttering to himself.

"Rod, we have 5 minutes, please, we can't waste it being stupid." I said, he looked at me and I saw he wasn't crying, but his eyes were gleaming.

"Like I said, stupid." He said feebily. I leaned in and kissed him, and kissed me back hungrily and I realised I would miss this the most. I could make my own bed, eat by myself, even talk to myself, but I could never argue with myself, never have a fun conversation, never be kissed after those cell doors close.

"I'm gonna miss you like mad Bella, but I swear, I swear I will stay sane, I'll do whatever it takes to stay alive. The Dark Lord will save us and I will be ready, not for him, but for you love." He said.

I felt the tears fall as the door was opened and Rod was taken away. Guards came for me and forced me into a cell.

I felt all hope vanish when he left, but I knew I had to stay strong, for my Rod.

* * *

><p>"I love you Bella!" I heard him say hoarsly. I got out of the bed and went to the small window above my door to speak to him.<p>

"I love you too Roddy." I said. I saw his face pressed against the bars and his hand stretched out. I pushed my arm through the bars to hold his.

Our fingers entwinded, he whispered,

"Happy Anniversary darling."

I smiled, and swallowed the feeling to cry. Everyday we spoke, his cell across from mine, but today we hadn't. It was our 20th Anniversary.

"Happy Anniversary Roddy." I said and he smiled.

"I got you a present, but it will have to wait." He whispered, and I let my tears fall. He was trying to lighten the dark mood, but it was only making me want him more.

"Rod, please don't. I need you an-"

"Calm down Bella, can't you feel it, our Mark, the pain. He's back and he is coming for us, just wait love, just wait." He said, pulling hand back as a dementor came into our corridor.

I nodded my head sadly and sat down, waiting for the day to break free, I felt all my hope return to my Mark. I knew I would escape with my Roddy, I knew I would.

* * *

><p>"Rod! ROD!" I shrieked. The walls of our cells had been blasted in and I heard the Dark Lord telling us to leave, to join him.<p>

"Bella!" I whipped around and landed in Lucius's arms.

"Where is Rod!" I yelled, struggling in his grip.

"Home, come with me." I stopped struggling and let him apparate us to his Manor.

"Bella! You-how-" Narcissa started, but I cut her off.

"Rod!" I yelled again, not seeing him.

"Lucius? Why is she-" Narcissa said, but he didn't answer.

"Give her a bath, clean her up, he'll will be here soon." Was all he said before leaving.

"You bastard Lucius! Where is he?" I yelled into the smoke. I felt Narcissa place a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Come have a bath, you don't want Rod to see you like this do you?" At someone else saying his name, I calmed down and allowed her to lead me to the bathroom.

"Here." She drew a bath and I forgot everything, looking at the warm water I wanted to jump in now. I hadn't had a bath in 14 years. "Get in, I'll get you clothes. Here's some towels." Narcissa said, passing me fluffy white towels before leaving the room.

I threw the skanky prison dress to the floor, and I jumped in the bath, loving the smoothness of the water and the way it felt on my skin.

I cleaned away 14 years of dirt from my hair and body. I came out of the bath shortly afterward as the water was turning a brown colour.

I wrapped myself in one of the towels and I called Cissy.

"Do you have anything I can wear?" I asked her and she grinned, handing me a black dress.

I pulled it on, and pulled the laces.

"How do I look?" I asked, knowing my hair was in a towel, and I was probably looking dreadful, but I still wanted an opinion.

"Dead." Was all Cissy could say. I must of looked awful, because she handed me a mirror and I saw what she meant.

My once shiny eyes had paled and I had deep, dark rings under them. My skin was an odd yellow white colour and I was unbelieveably thin.

"Oh God..." I gasped, feeling sick just looking at myself.

Cissy took away the mirror and led me into her room. She sat me at a dressing table and waved her wand. My eyes were now back to normal and my skin the porcelain white it was before prison, and my hair was dry and curly, but as messy as ever.

"There, now we look nice again." Cissy smirked.

"Thank you Cissy." I whispered, hugging her close. She chuckled and hugged me back.

"Yeah well, come on, you'll want to get home." She said and I nodded my head.

"But, shouldn't I wait for Rod here?"

Narcissa smiled. She had had Lucius bring Bella here so she could make her look nice again and Lucius had taken Rod to his home to set him up.

It was their 20th anniversary and Narcissa wanted it to go well.

"No, he's waiting for you." She said, grabbing my hand and apparating to my home.

We arrived in the parlour and I saw Rod's head. I yanked my arm away from Cissy and I jumped on him. He barely had time to acknowledge my presence as I lept into his arms, kissing him everywhere, my legs wrapped firmly around his waist and my hands locked in his hair.

"Bella, oh God Bella, I've missed you." He muttered between kisses, I was too distracted to speak.

We never noticed Lucius and Narcissa leave.

"Upstairs." Was all I said before Rod's mouth found mine again.

I felt safe and happy, 2 things I hadn't felt in 14 years. But I knew that this was also the beginning.

* * *

><p>"That bastard! I'm going to kill him, I'm goi-"<p>

"Rod, please."

"NO! Look at you! He's hurt you," He said softly.

I was in our parlour, curled up on our seatte.

I had failed my Master, our Master to receive the prophecy, I deserved my punishment.

He sat down beside me and I moved into him, I placed my head on his shoulder and he pulled me onto his lap and held me close. I moved and buried my head into his chest and sobbed.

The cruciatus curse was the worst punishment yet.

I felt Rod tremble and when I looked up and I saw he was crying too.

"I'm so sorry I'm a failed husband." He whispered. I shook my head and sat up, moving my arms to be around his neck.

"No Roddy, no. You are the best husband I could ever wish for." I said quietly.

As I kissed him, I felt the pain and the fear leave, and I knew that for the next few moments at least, we were going to be fine.

* * *

><p>"Get off me!"<p>

"Bella, I thought you wanted to go?"

"Why the fuck would I want to go to a bloody party with HIM! Despite what you think, _darling_, I still hate him, I'm still scarred." I snapped, Rod stepped away from me, and ran his hand through his hair.

"Sorry, are you ok?" He said, smiling.

"And al- What?" I said, distracted by his question.

"Are. You. Ok? I mean, to me you look simply dreadful, far to sick to attend this party, I believe you should be in bed. I will have a House Elf inform the Dark Lord we cannot attend if I have to look after my precious wifey." He sniggered and I beamed.

"Well, I don't see why not, I am feeling rather ill after that atrocious dinner last night." I whispered. I left my dressing table and moved into the bathroom, Rod following.

"I think I'll change into my night gown and go to bed, but, I couldn't possibly do it alone, being ill and all." Rod grinned.

"Which one do you need help with?" He said, coming towards me slowly.

"What do you think?"

After that, the night gown was forgotten and no body questioned our abscence.

I felt smug, lying with Rod when we should be at this party, but I knew that this had been worth it.

* * *

><p>"They have him Bella!" Cissy exclaimed. Rod was away, on a business trip so I was at the Malfoy Manor.<p>

"Rod!" I said, panicked.

"No! The Potter idiot and his friends!" My eyes gleamed and I pushed Cissy out the way and made for the parlour.

I heard a lot of racquet, but there was silence when my voice sounded.

"Well, well, well, what have we got here." I whispered, but everybody heard me.

"Potter." Scabior said. I glared at him, and the other Snatchers. I saw 3 filthy, can I even call them people, in the middle of the room. Narcissa was standing beside Lucius, cluthing his arm.

"Out." I hissed, my eyes narrowing at the Snatchers. They left quickly and I looked at the, things.

"Draco darling, is this Potter and his filthy 'friends'?" I asked him. He came over, shaking a little.

"That's definantly Weasley and that's Granger, but I can't be sure on him, what's wrong with his face?" I stared at the face.

"Yes! What is wrong with his face? Ran into a stinging jinx prehaps. Was it you dear?" I asked, glaring at the, what appeared to be, girl.

She stared back and I stood.

"Check her wand Lucius, see what her last spell was!" She looked scared. "Haha, poor you-" I was cut off.

She was holding the sword.

"What is that?" I managed to choke. All three of them were silent. "Well!" I shrieked, and she said,

"Found it."

"Take these boys to the celler! I want to have a conversation with this one, girl to girl!" I shrieked again and Lucius grabbed the boys by their collars and tossed them in the celler.

He came back carrying their wands.

"How did you get it? That sword is supposed to be in my vault at Gringotts! How did you get it?" I hissed my nose almost touching hers.

"Please, it's a fake, a replica, I found it, please." She sobbed. I spat at her and pulled out my dagger. Rod had given it to me on my birthday and I hadn't had the pleasure of using it yet.

"Well, looks like you won't answer me. I'll need a little- encouragement." I placed the knife on her arm and she gasped, I hadn't done anything, but she was shaking now and I was curious.

I went to run the knife over her forearm, but she shrieked, so loudly I was forced to cover my ears.

"I'm sorry Mum." she whispered and I dropped the knife. Why had she called me Mum. I couldn't do it, I couldn't hurt her.

"Bellatrix, are you scared?" Lucius asked, I knew he was smirking.

"No, I'm not killing her, throw her in the celler, I need to think." I said and I ran from the room, leaving them looking confused. (Them as in the Malfoys.)

I needed Rod, I need him to hold me, to tell me everything was going to be fine, we were going to be fine, but he couldn't. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't, crying showed weakness and we were not weak.

I rose slowly from the chair I had occupied and made my way back to the parlour, I heard bangs.

I whipped out my wand and charged in, seeing the three of them and a house elf.

"What is this?" I said quietly. They were going to escape, we were going to lose. It was over.

I brought out my dagger when no one responded.

"Bella?" I heard Cissy say, her voice high.

I smirked evilly and glanced at Lucius.

"It's over." And I threw the dagger as they disapparated. I watched, my eyes wide at what I had done, shocked I had done it.

The dagger fell to the floor, it had missed them. I breathed in relief, confused at what I was feeling.

I heard Cissy weeping and Lucius storming about, but I just stood there, confused.

I always killed, never thought twice about it, course I played with the victim, using the cruciatus curse, tormenting them before the actual kill, but why couldn't I do her!

"Bella!" Rod exclaimed, coming though the door and wrapping his arm around my waist.

I collapsed into him, crying so much I couldn't see.

"Bella? Bella! what is it! What happened! He didn't hurt you did he?" Rod hissed the last part. I managed to shake my head and he carried me to our room and sat me on the small seatte.

I curled into a ball and he sat next to me, holding me close.

"Mum. The one thing I can never be." I whispered. I saw he looked stricken.

"Bella, it-it doesn't matter, we-we wouldn't want to bring our child up in a place like this anyway, it's for the best." He said softly, pressing a kiss to my head.

I felt sick, knowing that the one thing, the only thing I wanted since the day I said 'I do', I could never have, and I knew that that killed Rod. But I knew we would get by, even if it was little by little, we would get by.

* * *

><p>"Rod please."<p>

"No Bella. I refuse to let you go, look at you!"

I sighed and crossed my arms. I understood what he meant, I had let them get away and I had been punished, severly.

"Rod, I deserved it! I failed him again! This is twice now! If I don't go he will kill me and he won't think twice about it." I said and I saw him sigh and come over to me.

"Bella, we can leave. Get away, we can go back the cottage, our honeymoon cottage, go to France, Spain, Italy, anywhere! We just need to get away." I smiled sadly at him and he got on his knees and buried his face into my stomach.

I stroked his hair and I felt my dress become damp.

"Please don't leave me Bella, please." He chocked. I swallowed my tears as a sharp pain ran through my arm.

"I have to, but I'll be right bcak to you my love, just on more battle and we'll be free! If he dies we can go and if he rules, we can still go. I'm sorry, but I have to go. Just remember, my heart will always belong to you." I let the tears fall and I pulled away from him, apparating away so I wouldn't change my mind.

I felt so scared without him, but I knew this was for the best.

* * *

><p>There was light everywhere and had I not been caught up in the battle, I believe the castle would be beautiful.<p>

I was duelling with some student, I quickly finshed him off though and shot killing curses at every person I saw.

"Well, Auntie Bella." I froze, knowing that voice.

"Andi?" I asked turning slowly.

"No, I'm her daughter. I am 24 years old and you never knew about me did you?" I shook my head, dazed. I couldn't believe I had missed so much of my sisters life, of my niece's life.

I realised we were alone and the room was quiet.

"You look like her." I whispered. She froze to.

"What?"

"You. You look just like Andi. I miss her." I whispered the last part. She still heard me though.

She lowered her wand, as did I, and she came over to me.

"You act like Mum." My eyes widened and she continued. " You look like her too. She alway spoke fondly of you and Aunt Cissy, she wanted to forgive, to forget, but it never happened." She said quietly and then I dropped my wand.

"CRUCIO!" I heard Antonin yell and he came in into sight duelling fiercely with a tired looking man.

"Remus!" My niece shouted and she ran to his side. I grabbed my wand, going to finish Antonin and let them get away, but Antonin killed her.

"You!" I shrieked, killing him straight away.

"Tonks! Tonks! NYMPHADORA!" The man yelled, cradling her body.

"Love is a many splendored thing, but it always has to end." I said softly. The man broke down and wailed over her. I looked at him and he looked at me.

"Kill me." He whispered. I obliged. I wanted my niece to be happy, and this was the best I could do.

"Bella!" I turned around to see Rod, suddenly noticing how quiet it was.

"The Dark Lord wants us in the forest, he called, and you didn't come. They thought you dead, but I knew -" I cut him off and hugged him tightly.

"Come, I'm not geting punished again." I said quietly and we ran to the forest.

"Decided to join us, did you?" The Dark Lord hissed.

"M-My Lord. P-please excuse my absence. I was finshing off some Order Members." I prayed that both of them had been order members.

"Very well." He said angrily, leaving Rod and I alone, on the edge of the other Death Eaters.

"It's nearly over Bella. We'll soon be free."

I hugged him tightly again, and he held me too. I wanted to stay like this for eternity, but we were forced apart at the arrival of Potter.

"Harry Potter. The boy who lived. Come to die." The Dark Lord whispered, then he shouted the killing curse and they were both thrown to the ground.

I went to go help, but Rod held me back.

"No Bella, he'll be fine, please, can we just be together, alone, for a few minutes at least." I sighed but lent on his shoulder. Let his other Death Eaters fix him, give me time off!

(Note: Come What May is a song from Moulin Rouge, sung by Nicole Kidman, but in mine, I'll use the lyrics and say they're from a poem called 'Come What May' by David Baerwald, the guy who wrote the orignal song I believe. I'm also changing the order, to make it, fit. Also adding in 'Your Song' by Elton John, I own nothing.)

"Come what may, come what may, I will love you until my dying day." Rod whispered in my ear.

I turned and smiled, he was receiting my favourite poem, 'Come What May'.

"Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place."

"Now you're in the world." He finished.

We hadn't been paying attention, and the Dark Lord was back, and Narcissa was kneeling over the boy.

"Well!"

She stood, looking grim.

"Dead." Cheers sounded and Rod picked me up and spun me around. Everyone was cheering and walking towards the castle.

"He's dead Bella! We can go, we can leave now!" He exclaimed.

"Yes, but not until we rub it in, I can't wait to see how they all react when they realise Itty-Bitty-Perfect- Potter is dead!" I cackled and he grinned. We walked to the castle, hand in hand.

"Harry Potter is dead!" The Dark Lord shouted and we all laughed. (That sounds pathetic.)

I went move forward, but Rod held me back and grinned mischievely.

"What?" I whispered. We were right at the back and he leaned in and kissed me.

I grinned as I kissed him back, it was wrong to be doing this when the Dark Lord was standing a mere 50 feet away and we had just killed 'The Boy Who Lived.' But it was fun.

Suddenly we heard pops and I pulled away from Rod to see Potter run off and My Lord furious. All the Death Eaters were leaving.

"Rod!" I yelled, looking for him, but he was gone. I hexed, cursed, jinxed and killed anyone in my way. I was turning frantic, we needed to leave, together.

"Bella!" He shouted. We were now in the Great Hall and I was standing on a table, looking for him. I saw him at the door and I sent the killing curse at some idiot in my way.

I moved forward, but my path was blocked again.

"Not my daughter you bitch!" A woman appeared in front of me, gripping her wand, looking furious. I rolled my eyes and tried to finsh her off, but I was faltering.

My knees were weak and my back ached and my heart needed Rod.

I suddenly felt all of my life leave me and I knew this was the end.

* * *

><p><strong>So, whatcha think! I wrote this in like 12 hours and I loved doing it and I think it's my best work! Do please review, I'll give you a redvine and I'll read your work and I'll review and I'll do something else as well, but I don't know what, so please review and, well, thanks for reading!<strong>


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